From the Bev Naps of Lush Life's Cocktail Assassin, Allan Delgado. 

Alright kids, it’s been a while.

I know, I’ve been a blog-tease.

I tell y’all how I started drinking, I warn y’all about partying your way to premature aging, and then I’m gone like a dollar in a crack den.

I’ve been busy.  I’ll tell y’all about how much fun (blood), planning (fevered sweats), and hilarious hijinks (all whiskey, no sleep) go on when opening cocktail bars some other time.  

Right now, I’ve got to address the threat that has rushed me back to the front lines of the war on sobriety: 

New York is not listed anywhere on Forbes' report on America’s hardest drinking cities.  

That’s like leaving Ron Jeremy, Peter North, and Jenna Jameson out of a list of iconic porn stars.  That’s like overlooking Jon Lennon AND Bob Marley in a list of iconic musicians that died in the 80’s.  That’s like omitting Whitney Houston, CC Deville, and Flavor Flav from a list of former stars who look like they may be testing positive any day now.  

Forbes claims Austin is #1 while even Jacksonville Florida ranks.  Jacksonville? There's more pubs that have a fully sat bar by one in the afternoon in Sunnyside Queens than there are in that entire swamp-city.  Forbe's numbers were based on the cities with the highest alcohol consumption of the 40 largest metropolitan areas in the U.S.  Then, they "examined data from the CDC's 2007 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System Survey (BRFSS), and perform telephone surveys asking more than 350,000 American adults about their health.  They eliminated more cities than a Jerry Bruckheimer movie due to statistical incongruities and whatnot.  Perhaps the margin of error was too high in certain surveys, disqualifying us due to all the jokers that intentionally give fucked up answers to surveys just to… fuck them up.  They "added up the rankings from each category, counting the 'five or more drinks on one occasion' question twice, since it most directly addresses the question of problem drinking."  It is a problem that the government expects you to have an occasion every time you're going to have a handful of libations.  Nothing too complicated, right?  And plenty of room for a lil' town like NYC to fall through the cracks. [Forbes.com]

I’ve been trying not to fly off the handle in defense of my opinion since I picked up my last strike.  Rather than just say the government isn’t exactly the most accurate source of information for ANYTHING or tear into the staff at Forbes (who are surely more adept with numbers than I am) I decided a proper investigation was in order.  

Is New York still the beery kennel that whelped this dashing young boozehound, or has it become just another Petco affiliate ensuring the bland are bred continuously?

An awful lot of change has occurred in our burg, and maybe we have gone soft.  There was only one way to find out: purchase two tickets to the Rocks Off boat show with our old pals Lucero headlining.  If boozing is still alive and well in NYC, it’ll be evident upon the The Temptress at Pier 41.

Photo:  Rock Star Bar by Leo Borovskiy